craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
try to milk me bitch
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