Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
