I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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