you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
