What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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