yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
