I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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