you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
