yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
