i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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