i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
