You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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