she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
