that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
