I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
