You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
