I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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