You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
