I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
