I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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