In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
