what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
