The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
