Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i think i have herpe
just one?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
