??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
