New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
