proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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