garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
