I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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