My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
