I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
