I think my vagina is haunted
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it's like heaven, but drunker
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
