Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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