forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
