I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
