arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
