i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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