I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
