Betty ford says i'm here all night
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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