Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
