I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize
