Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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