Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
