my vag is so smooth its legendary
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
