You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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