dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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