why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
