so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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