you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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