So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
