...so i touched it.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
