just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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