Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
